All i see now is cold person who i love and so frustrated by the lack of intimacy. It's to the point where her depression is dragging me down with her, though I would never say that to her. These people are emotionally selfish they may not do it on purpose but they will take away everything that defines you and then you will be a empty shell . She is loyal and would care for me no matter what but I cant keep bringing my own life down too to be on her level. Shes suffered from depression throughout our relationship. Can anyone help me and tell me what can i do?. And do not try to help, just try to understand. The specific mention of medication but not therapy makes me wonder whether your girlfriend is in therapy. 3. I hope you will take another one and find some support for yourself. By commenting you acknowledge acceptance of GoodTherapy.org'sTerms and Conditions of Use. We are in the office Monday through Friday from 8:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. Mountain Time, and our phone number is 888-563-2112 ext 3. Driving me to the point where my own happiness is at an all time low. Remember the love bit. Its your natural born right to be happy! At first I was stressed about it, but later I realised that my worrying wouldnt change the situation at all. If your partner isn't nice, or loving, or supportive in any way, it can leave you feeling perfectly drained of energy. All rights reserved. Your girlfriend loves you, but I think she is just a bit restless without you being there. Talk, really talk openly without any criticism. So it can really, truly suck when you realize your relationship is dragging you down. Its hell and theres a lot of doubt in your thoughts like is it my fault, Im I the same, can I not make someone happy, am i insensitive. So if your partner isn't pulling his or her weight, you may find yourself feeling like giving up. I love her so much and wish I could take her pain away, but I feel ive lost myself and no longer feel happy. If that person still doesnt change then it may be time to leave. Especially when theyre attractive they can just bounce around from bf to bf. When that happens, it may be time for some serious reflection. My girlfriend is dragging me back into depression with her own personal problems. I am moved by how exactly you also spoke for myself Wish we could go for a beer. This girl was everything I wanted, such a good partner, listener, so smart, sensitive. I have a battle on my hands, life has tried to tear me down before and I wont let it just yet..You choose to be happy, Woah that is one crazy situation both of you are dealing with. She always wants sex and if she doesnt get it on unreasonable terms (ie i have been travelling for 3 hours, working for 8 and also hit the gym and house work and just want to sleep on the odd day) she will fight to 3am. There must be fond memories. Ive been with my girl for over 4 months now, but we have been good friends for more than 7 years. Karen S., a business executive in her late 20s, had been with her boyfriend eight months when she fell into a funk. She clearly doesnt love you like one should love another person. I could stay in bed 2 days in a row. Understand that put-downs are a reflection of the other person's insecurity and get support from trusted confidantes. I deserve happiness, everyone does! Buy she apparently can go on a day out with her ex to hang out behind her parents back.s he cant even do that for me?? We do talk through alot of things and have a somewhat open dialogue, but I still feel resentful and angry when i feel shes not there for me, something i dont seem to get over, despite wanting to. We do love each other, but her depression, mixed with her anxiety about our future as parents of the same child, is becoming too much for me to remain hopeful. If so, then high blood pressure may not be far behind. But she wouldnt want to talk some nights. Ive dealt with people like that and let me tell you its never easy cuz there gonna try and bring you down.I mean I too have anxiety but not to the point where I freak out or go completely insane. Get yourself some therapy to deal with the hurt and pain, then move on with your life. Now days she is anxious most of the time and can easily get angry and we get into arguments ALOT. If your partner dominates every aspect of your shared lives, you may be in a draining relationship. Here are 10 who are holding you down. But every day she is more and more far away from me. Shes not able to be there for me. There is so many thoughts and circumstances for a girl. Girls love that kind of crap and its not gay or anything if you do something where you express your feelings. I asked a lot of questions to learn what the problem is, all she says that everything collapses to her. It may be subtle behaviors such as never showing an interest in you or socializing with your friends, or it could be outright insults that damage your sense of self-worth. Im not talking about that Mexican guy that lives down the street. We used to talk all day, have very long calls every night, laugh a lot, play together. Taking her depression into her own hands, can that make a person sick? Sounds to me like a bunch of spoiled princesses. She posts lots of hurtful things on her networks, she gets only and doesnt talk to me, shes alway leaving to something, she doesnt seem to care about things Ive got to say, shes no longer responsive or interested and shes been pretending fun, she doesnt seem to care at all anymore, and when I openly say how this has been hurting me and how things changed drastically, she always blames her condition, that she is really depressed and in mood swings, but she no longer let me be closer, she no longer wants to talk. She didnt want to go to my graduation. It almost feels as though she is in a better mood when I am down! Smoking and drinking! In fact, research has shown that this feeling of insecurity may boost levels of a stress hormone, and can even lower your immune system, according to Kathleen Doheny on WebMD.com. We started dating a few months after the divorce and (I admit we could have been more responsible of our actions) she is now pregnant with our first child. Am I taking the wrong approach? She did not want to fight, and when I thought finally thing would become better, she just said that she did not have time or energy to focus on the relationship, and wanted to focus on herself. So the question, as you insightfully pose, is where do you go from here? That sounds like my issue too. It drove me to breakdown myself. I wish you answers. But you're dragging me down, down, down, down. It truly could be your relationship that's to blame. Maybe your girlfriend finds talking to her friend, who also has the same kind of problem, helpful in some way. I let things change for the negative and even though my instinct knew something was wrong I stuck with it because I am loyal and felt love on a certain level that I thought was worth considering. You are an enabler when you take on others problems to the point where they become your own. She shut me off completely and gave me halfhearted reply whenever I talk to her. A. I have been through many websites reading about relationship breakdowns when a partner is depressed and the most common thing is how the non depressed partner is feeling totally drained and feel their life has gone down hill leading them down the road to depression. We talked (argued) about the lack of sex and how distant we are and she said that she doesnt feel any of these feelings, and that sometimes we doesnt feel comfortable thinking about sex. She says she feels okay when she clearly doesnt, when I give her a hug during this time, she tenses up, keeps shaking her head, and really hates herself for the way she is. She used to threaten me and say i am depressed & mad. Tell her its either you or the ex, no friendships either. I cant leave her though because she said she wouldnt be able to live if i left her. (Yikes.). I feel as much like a caretaker as I do a boyfriend. 1992 - Video directed by Dani Jacobs. I hear your talking and whispers, pale drawn out nails and fingers. Then to know she will react & get angry is so wrong. Like, a supermodel could walk by and your partner wouldn't bat at an eye. Same for me. As I read your comments I am beginning to understand what my boyfriend feels. Ive got a life, I want to be happy, to love, I am strong, I am bold, and I cant seem like to help her anymore, she doesnt want to, shes just getting away from me, Im losing her. But I believe in him and that thought is put away. Friends are pretty intuitive in that they know immediately when something isn't right. Sign up and Get Listed. (All is Hell) He would only talk and see me when he had nothing else to do but I was okay with that I was inlove with him. But, I love her and I want to support her I dont want to turn my back on her. Its killing me inside as she looks so helpless, vulnerable, alone and she has the face of one of the most beautiful girls you would ever meet. Day in or out, shell leave me broken again, I know it, just dont know when. I told her that i love her and i would never leave her, i forgave her cuz she lied to me, i told her that if i was with right now i would give her a hug and a kiss. And thats happiness isnt even happiness half the time, its just a less bad mood. Exactly. Help is available, and we wish you the best of luck in your search. I agreed but this has left me with nothing to do, leaving my friends was a massive mistake! Some times its okay but those are only the times when things are easy. Im not sure whats going on but I let her know constructively that I considered leaving her I know its harsh but it was a reality check. Healthy couples can chat about pretty much anything. The envier. All I got is she is just a drama queen, there wasnt any problems to become sad. Be found at the exact moment they are searching. Recently, she insulted both my mother and I in her home. There has to be a time limit of when to say enough is enough. i dont know what to do. I dont know if it is a good thing to avoid that, I am almost sure it isnt. It works for me (I dont really have a hobby Im just at school all the time). Shes struggled to be present at her job, and isnt able to meet deadlines or pass things in on time. I know what it feels like to be distant, but I have extra credit for you because you are near her but yet you still get the cold shoulder. Ive been going to therapy for 3 years and talking about my problems doesnt help me. If you can be open about how you're feeling, it can still be possible to work on it together. To go cold turkey off 3 different anti depressants can someone die by doing that? Youve been shouldering a significant burden on your own for years; it sounds like you are ready to let someone help you carry the load. Best of luck to you on your journey. I only have time to look at primary materials and not much more, and sometimes I wait until she has gone to sleep so I can read in peace. My partner's negativity gets me down A happy, optimistic man is brought down by the relentless negativity of his partner. After a year of being together i started to talk about how bad our sexlife and that it has changed, her reply was always that im comparing this to things i read on the internet and that what we had before is considered honeymoon period. Life is can be cruel, tough and deceiving. Setup Size: 8.9 GB. If you're being dragged down by your partner, it could be due to cheating, or emotional abuse, or a lack of support. She is quiet, shy, passive/aggressive yet bubbly she would do anything and everything instantaneously for me, great girl! She has lost sleep all night, and so did I. From past one to two years I came to know.Now it becomes severe.she suffers from anxiety , bipolar disorder. So what am I to her now?? She talks like Im the only good thing in her life and I believe she truly feels that way. Maybe she doesnt want to tell you how much she wants you to be with her because she doesnt want to appear needy. Ive tried to think of ways to break it off that wont make her hate herself, like saying Im gay or having friends pose as drug dealers and freak her out by having them threaten me when shes around. Its created a weird dynamic in our relationship which has all but ruined our sex life. 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