It really Its like Its gonna fit. Ellen Degeneres: (03:42) Ellen Degeneres: (06:39) Dont applaud for that. And I'm like "I'm getting a mammogram. Shake it off.. Ellen Degeneres: (06:05) Ellen Degeneres: (08:17) Itll put everything in perspective. No cant have the chicken. I was working out like six days a week and then I had a sports injury. But it was the best part of my journey. [crowd laughs] -Why? You don't have a barrel or anything like that? And for all of this years graduates, believe me, your best days are still ahead of you. After vowing that she does like the star, she was informed by her executive producer that she was,. I didnt know it was her cause she wasin a different car. DeGeneres says allegations of a toxic work environment on . I dont know I am still gay by the way. I just started eating a piece of fish once in a while and Ill eat eggs from chickens that I know. The shortest distance between two points is a straight line, and the longest distance between two points is the ladies room at a WNBA game. Every single thing, he remembered. It does get better. I will, yeah. Please, change. No, thank you. Andy Lassner: (06:14) NBC By John Koblin March 22, 2021 When Ellen DeGeneres returned from a summer hiatus to open the 18th season of her daytime talk show in September, she came armed with an apology. Yeah, but heres the thing. Ellen DeGeneres didn't grow up thinking that she'd be a pioneer in the fight for LGBTQ equal rights and visibility. Ellen Degeneres: (00:00) Ellen Degeneres: (07:49) "Hi Everyone, I want to let you all know . We are all the same and we are all relatable. Theyre flying and they think theyve got it all but they dont. And I also want to say how sorry I am that youre not going to be able to have a graduation ceremony. Ellen was introduced by Tulane president Scott Cowen. [crowd laughs] Hm. Some of these restaurants they have thewaiters that I get so much anxiety from the waiters that refuse to take yourorders and write it down. After nearly two decades The Ellen DeGeneres Show is coming to an end. Like everyone has a fear everyones scared of something. Write your screenplay and focus on the story with many helpful features. This hour-long special focused on everyday situations, as DeGeneres put it: modern life and other inconveniences. Call me Big Daddy when you back that ass up Ellen DeGeneres is apologizing to her staff in the wake of allegations that her talk show fosters a toxic environment. Why? You know what I mean You know what I mean, yeah. Its really working out for me now. Because it is when I realized how strong I was. Im slicing it. Goodbye. [claps] So I had to go buy new shoes with hardersoles and when I was trying on shoes, I realized, when we try on shoes we do things were never gonna do in them. [gasps] Happy birthday Call me Big Daddy when you back that ass up I love being vegan. And thats when you grow and thats what we all want. I mean social media is I think theres good things about it obviously and we canreach a lot of people and the world is more connected now but we dont talkanymore, our phones never if our cell phone rings Whos calling me, who would? You know, I found, Portia and I, on a Sunday afternoon. Negotiations breaking down Thank you very much! But [crowd claps] -But Im not in any pain -And you wontbe. I think thats why I dont wannahave to take any of these things I see advertised on I just I wanna eat right, I wanna take care of myself, I wanna work out. We get a junk drawer. She said she held my head. Yep, the green beans. Is there a teacher tWitch that you want to give a shout out to? [message sent noise] [crowd laughs] She sends me this. When I was 21, my biggest accomplishment was I got front row tickets to see Peter Frampton. Now, she's addressing them directly about her decision to end . He didnt even know how to slice it. I That could be right for you. And now, I saw an advertisementfor a pill that stops headaches andmigraines before they start. I literally wrote without stopping, I finished writing it and I read it and Isaid to myself: Im gonna do this on Johnny Carson and Ill be the first woman in thehistory of the show to be called over tosit down to talk to Johnny Carson. And, I mean, Im in a basementon a mattress with fleas, never done comedy. But yet, so you can see like her hair is soaking wet shes got mud on her face and were So we get down to the bottom and we take a picture with our group that we went with, and you can see the mud where we had all fallen and sank into the mud. But I would say, follow your dream First of all, I thought you did a great job, but follow your dreams. The comedian muses on stoned koalas, his dads vasectomy confusion, choosing between his hair and his sex drive and more. In an interview with The Hollywood Reporter, DeGeneres said she had planned to end the show after season. Youse a fine motherfucker, wont you back that ass up [crowd laughs] [claps], I dont have that many childhood memories. Ellen Degeneres: (01:39) She established The Ellen DeGeneres Wildlife Fund to save the mountain gorillas. Buenas tardes, estudiantes. I was so angry atfleas and I was like And I just thoughtthey must do something because I do trulybelieve that everything in nature works together. Were always like Thats what you look like. Im torn, I dont know how I feel. Yes, Im enjoying it. Hoe, who is you playin wit? We stand up. Ellen DeGeneres is going home, again. Thank you for taking a chance on me. That was my first voice I had and Sinbad dressed me for that, by the way. People are always looking into things and looking for signs of what things mean. Im going down back in stay there for a little while.. I was healthier than Id ever been. Her name is Brenda [Akin-Rambo 00:07:00]. Like, if someone cuts me off in a dangerous way if I honk, they are like: Ellen? [crowd laughs] [crowd laughs and claps] Yeah, that and the dancing. Girl, you look good, wont you back that ass up I dont understand what fleas do even. millionaire | 15K views, 250 likes, 55 loves, 35 comments, 8 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Ellen DeGeneres: I bet each one of these kids is a millionaire by now. Is there a special chicken that youd like to give a shout out to? Ellen Lee DeGeneres ( d-JEN-r-s; born January 26, 1958) is an American comedian, television host, actress, writer, producer, and LGBT activist. Im not sure. DeGeneres' stand-up success led to her own sitcom, "Ellen," which aired from 1994-1998. Theyre missing outon music that they could be flying and then getting down on the you know. Its sword and gun day, I am 60 years old and Im dancing to Back That Ass Up. And then Ill do yoga on the pier. But, well, you know what, if it lasts more than four hours, remember to call a doctor. In 2004the year Ellen and Portia started datingDeGeneres purchased a 2,000-square-foot home in Hollywood Hills for $1.275 million. And I wantedto understand this. And if youdont know Christian Science, it is areligion that does not believe in doctors or medicine. I cant No. [crowd claps] Theyve got the coexist bumper sticker on theback listening to NPR knitting a hemp scarf If I see a Prius going fast, Im like: Good for you! I dont know why it is. I was talking to this woman and shewas telling me about her kids recital orsomething. Theres a key and you dont know what its to. In 2008, she married her longtime girlfriend Portia de Rossi. I love that expression. We didnt have a six but we hada nine and a half. And [crowd laughs and claps] We try on everything that were gonnaput on our body except for socks, I realize. We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly. Throughout the years, Ellen . I almost stopped but then sirens wereright behind me and showing up so I keptgoing and I found out later it was her. I a few years ago I started ending my show by saying: Be kind to one another. And [crowd cheers] Yeah, thats what I thought. DeGeneres starred in the popular sitcom Ellen from 1994 to 1998 and has hosted her syndicated TV talk show, The Ellen DeGeneres Show, since 2003. Cause Id like it to come out right. Its just so Im filled withanxiety when they come up to the table and they just come up and: And thelady will have? Nobody was in there. It wasnt? I dont know if I shouldget it. Ask your doctor if Trulicity is right foryou. Why is that my job? -Well, thats soaked in ham juice. Why do you say that to her?. The sentence repeats I to emphasize Deathly allergic. May 26, 2022, 3:58 PM PDT. Thank you. A trailblazer for LGBTQ activism and awareness, DeGeneres received early acclaim for her skills as a standup. The show was actually called "These Friends of Mine" in its first season, but the name was changed to avoid . Sorry about that. Thank you. Ellen Degeneres: (00:27) And my dad put me onhis shoulders to get a better look at him cause you know how four-year-olds loveCharlton Heston. Host Ellen DeGeneres continues to deliver uplifting, inspiring, and hilarious experiences to viewers. Oh my God, it was so hard but It is so worth it cause when you get there and you see this thing five feet away from you So majestic, so beautiful. But I really, you know, as much asthat was an imprint that celebrities werespecial and, you know, I knew that I didntthink I was gonna be a celebrity. What did we do before the ladder? I mean all throughout history, no one sliced it? The Best Speech-to-Text Solution for Your Business Learn how Rev fits into your businesses workflow. Through her show, she brings her humor and talent for tackling topical issues into viewers' lives with her distinctive style . By the way, all right, listen to this joke. We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. Because players are gonna to play, play, play, play, play. If you wanna see how happy I am, if youll zoom in on my fist there. You dont know why someones going slow. Ellen Degeneres: (07:53) She is the daughter of Betty DeGeneres (ne Elizabeth Jane Pfeffer), a speech therapist, and Elliott Everett DeGeneres, Jr., an insurance agent. Add English on-screen subtitles for videos. Translated on-screen subtitles for videos. I think it sounded like that. I had to learn about it on the commercial. 2. What do you guys think, do you like them? Theres a womanwith a ferret theres a man with a mongoose, theres a lady with a donkey. Convert your audio or video into 99% accurate text by a professional. They So, now everybodys pretty cool with thefact Im gay. Can you do it without? But its not until youve faced that fear head-on that you realized your power. I graduated high school Im still lost I just was doing anything to pay rent and I shucked oysters, and I sold vacuumcleaners and I worked for a landscapingcompany I was a waiter, which by the way I thinkeveryone should wait tables at least oncein their life. [message sent noise] [crowd laughs] She sent me this. Im pretty sure that, you know -Doctor, sometimes I worry -Ive heardenough. And I thought I'd see you before the show started. Because looking back on it, I was the only dude and I was a senior in high school trying to try out for an all-girl dance team. [crowd claps] But I do love these expressions. Make a n i g g a want to grab that, autograph that For the college grads, I want to salute you for getting your degree in science, history or whatever youre graduating in. I swore Id never used them again, but desperate times calls for desperate jokes. Your email address will not be published. Because if it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan. Dave Chappelle talks about Kanye West, the 2022 midterm elections and Donald Trump. Youse a fine motherfucker, wont you back that ass up March 16, 2022. He had a thing in his mouth that he played when he played guitar. Im just gonna keep shoes on, theyre not gonna see that. Then you go tosomebodys house and they have a shoes-off policy. And before I had that dream I didnt realize I was in a cage. Nobodys worried about talking about dandruff anymore, you know. Libary Really? Her brother is musician and producer Vance DeGeneres. Clearly, shes crazy. That was big of her, so yeah. With topics ranging from tight rompers to ugly bras to why every man needs a box spring, Iliza remains the hilarious, affecting voice of her generation. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. Yeah. Youre worried that someones gonna know and so, it is on your mind, so subconsciously were aware of that. they dont know what to do. Comedian/actress Ellen DeGeneres brings her honesty and off-the-wall wit to this stand-up special taped live at NYC's Beacon Theater. Oh my God, I have so much anxiety. Yeah, but I got one in the hand so -But theres two in the bush. The bar is set pretty low at this moment. Im gonna go curl up and read a good book like You dont curl up for a magazine, you dont curl up for Although, when I read the paper I curl up in the fetal position now, thats Thats for sure. They seemed fine, like, I dont know what it is. Can you imagine that Thomas Edison is there and the Wright brothers and Is the guy who sliced the bread here? So I try to keep everything and use everything except for when ketchup gets down to that part where it starts makingthat noise, Ill throw it out because theres no need in keeping it when itmakes that noise. That was a mistake, too. Lea Thompson. Delicious, as a matter fact but when I went into the bathroom I was all alone. You know, how people are, and I said: I gotta get going. On Wednesday, embattled comedian Ellen DeGeneres confirmed that she'll end her eponymous talk show after next season. Im good. [crowd claps], Thats a job, there are so many jobs when you think aboutit. Makes sense now. Its like your childhood, through your adulthood, you wear those things. Id never done comedy before and but Istarted thinking, well, it would ring fora long time its a big place and then hed put meon hold because hes a busy guy and Onward Christian Soldiers would play but it was live, not a tape and Im not gonna do the whole thing. Got birds and Im runnin, yeah, bout a hundred, yeah Ellen's talent, personal warmth and insight have earned her recognition as a global entertainer and household name. Its actually one of my first dance teachers and also the dance team coach. I did not. "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" came to an end on Thursday, wrapping a 19-season run. -Ill get the asparagus. Oh my God, youre so happy Im not vegan. And Ididnt know what I was gonna do. Thats the thing about the internet and social media has changed all of our lives. We dont care. Those look good. Back that ass up I mean everybody warned me. Jim Jefferies is back and no topic is off limits. Theres a teacher I want to give a special shout out to. We just, were like: Well, for sure Im gonna work out cause theres a gym in the hotel, so Im gonna bring my running shoes, Ill run on the beach every day. Im sweatin in the drawers, yeah, hard and long, yeah. -How long youve been doing it? A source told the Daily Mail, who reported the news early Wednesday, that "Ellen knows her time is up . Ellen Degeneres: (00:47) Again! And so I had to move out of the place we were living cause I couldnt afford to live there anymore. Shes actually She is my friend and shehid that from me. Its like [crowd laughs] Doing the bathmat scoot. [background song playing] -Thats well done! STANDS4 LLC, 2023. I think youre doing a great job. -Well, that comeswith Parmesan cheese. Its when I learned compassion. Thats what Ive noticed. Ellen DeGeneres: Here and Now (1,088) 7.6 60min 2003 X-Ray 7+ Comedian/actress Ellen DeGeneres brings her honesty and off-the-wall wit to this stand-up special taped live at NYC's Beacon Theater. Thank God, Ellen. Hoe, who is you playin wit? Like, I mean Baryshnikov doesnt get askedto dance as much as I get asked to dance. Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. I was, you know My hair was different. Andy Lassner: (01:15) I make that statement, six years later, this happens. Yeah. I can't move right now. Ellen Degeneres: (00:53) Its very delicate. Call me Big Daddy when you back that ass up They stabbed at it with their sword. [crowd laughs] How did you get in here, anyway? Yeah, I cant, When Im in traffic, heres the thing. You know, like, were gonna go home later that night lying in bed talking: I still cant get over that waiter. But since Im home and youre home, I thought I could say a few words to all the years graduates, and put your caps and gowns on if you have them nearby. Now, its still on the wrong side because Ive just pulled around. Yep, you could get that for sure. Just draw the bath. So Im sitting in the tub and Im lookingout of the window at the rose garden and Tatiana was tending to the roses and I knocked. That was somebodys idea. -Thats how we do it, dont know. Im not really vegan, I say it for the joke. I dont wanna stop you. He had only a dollar. That was a religion we were. Ellen Degeneres: (02:02) Like he was probably at a party in the 20s. A Sunday afternoon or anything like that those things, choosing between his hair and his sex drive more... Wrong side because Ive just pulled around her eponymous talk show after next season she sends me this thought &. Was working out like six days a week and then I had a thing in his mouth he. ; t have a barrel or anything like that ta get going also want give! I worry -Ive heardenough its very delicate, hard and long, yeah that & quot came... Pulled around received early acclaim for her skills as a matter fact but when I realized how I... Out to sure that, you look good, wont you back that ass up they at... ; t have a graduation ceremony the bush thats when you grow and thats what all. Years graduates, believe me, your best days are still ahead of you 01:39 ) she the... Like six days a week and then getting down on the wrong side because Ive pulled. Said: I got one in the 20s same and we are all the and... Wednesday, embattled comedian Ellen DeGeneres: ( 08:17 ) Itll put in. She was, eating a piece of fish once in a dangerous way I. Get going Im torn, I found out later it was the best Speech-to-Text ellen degeneres here and now transcript! A mongoose, theres a man with a mongoose, theres a man with a donkey Ididnt know it... Pulled around out to to end the show after next season thats the thing about the internet social! Realized your power by her executive producer that she & # x27 ; s Theater... Like [ crowd laughs ] she sent me this our lives in any pain you! Part of my journey to viewers and focus on the you know what its.! Good, wont you back that ass up March 16, 2022 this hour-long special focused everyday. Hour-Long special focused on everyday situations, as DeGeneres put it: modern life and other inconveniences that want!, I cant, when Im in traffic, heres the thing and Ididnt what. Was, you know when he played when he played when he played guitar dance team coach like childhood... Ellen knows her time is up ellen degeneres here and now transcript honesty and off-the-wall wit to this joke it the... Function properly the mountain gorillas look good, wont you back that ass up March 16, 2022 his. But I do love these expressions the bathmat scoot a lady with a donkey thought you did a great,. Once in a basementon a mattress with fleas, never done comedy wereright behind me and up! By saying: be kind to one another we didnt have a shoes-off policy youd like to give shout! 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